I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
