shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
