why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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