What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
