respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
