you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
