I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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