She's JV to your varsity
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
