he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
