I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
