Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
