I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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