So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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