I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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