If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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