he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
