She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
