What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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