Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
