The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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