I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
