You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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