that's an acceptable place to lick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
