I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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