Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
