Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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