i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
