yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
