so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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