last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
