When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
