I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
