It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
