So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
