she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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