My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
