weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
