Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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