Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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