she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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