He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
