nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
