btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
