The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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