I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
