i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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