you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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