she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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