I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
