Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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