My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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