Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
